I remember Christmas times that were full of pain and loss. I remember when my mother was so depressed over my father every Christmas, but she made it special for us kids, because thats what moms do. She tried to fill the void as best as she could, and she did a great job distracting us from the hole that was left from his tragic death. I see her in myself at these times of year, while im running around trying to make Christmas special for now 2 kids, at the same time still grieving the loss of both my parents, and being aware that both my kids fathers are not involved in their lives. However I am contantly making new beautiful memories for us, erasing over the old tape of bad memories. Erasing over the memories of Mary not being home with me for 3 Christmases. Erasing over watching my mother cry over the great loss of my father. Erasing over the fact my 2 beautiful children will not be spending any holiday with their fathers. Thats all a mother can do , right? Is do the very best we can to play every role necessary to give our children the best life possible. Life is what you make it ! I love my life that I made for me and my kids. I love Mary getting excited over where Frank and Fronk are in the morning (elf on the shelf and his pet) , and counting the days until Christmas day. I love her explaining to Maxx how to open presents.
This has been the most exciting time of my life, by far. I want to wish everyone a great holiday , filled with the people you love. And its ok to feel empty during the holidays, to grieve over loved ones lost.

Celebrate by grieving , but also remember you are making new traditions, keeping your loved ones in your heart. Remember to be kind during this holiday season, because you dont know what someone is struggling with. I can finally say that I am at peace and I am truly humbled at the amazing life I live now.

Thank you for reading and keep on keepin' on 💚❤️🙏🏼🎄