I hope this blog finds you and your loved ones well.
Today marks 32 years since my parents got into a horrific car accident, that changed my whole entire life.

My father was killed and my mother was critically injured with brain damage. It was due to an intoxicated driver, on the Hutchison River Parkway in New York, in 1988. My parents were coming home from a business trip of my fathers. I had a banner ready to hang for them at home saying “Welcome Home Mom and Dad” that I made on the fancy new PC my dad got us. I remember sitting on my day bed, with my stuffed animals surrounding me, looking out the window waiting for the car to bring them home.

My aunt was watching us, and I kept going downstairs to ask her why they aren’t home yet. I kept saying “they are late ! It’s 4:00!”.

Then from upstairs I heard the phone ring and I thought it was my mom calling. I ran downstairs and my aunt said to me “your parents were in a car accident honey. We have to go to the hospital and see to see them.” So we all drove to Jacobi Medical Center in the Bronx, and that was the end of life as I knew it. I missed most of 5th grade going to the wrongful death trial with my mom and brothers.

The drunk driver was charged with vehicular manslaughter. He killed more people that day than just my father. Before the trial he committed suicide. He was 26 years old. He had 3 prior DUI’s and was on probation. Many lives were ruined from that day.

Fast forward to 2012, and I became that same person who I hated so much for ripping apart my family. Not from alcohol, but from pills, which numbed me from the mental anguish from seeing my mother disabled and brain damaged every day, from seeing her cry over missing her beloved husband. Seeing her as a shell of who she used to be. She couldn’t help me with Mary as a baby, I hated my life, I was prescribed Xanax, I wanted to numb my brain and sleep all day. I didn’t want to face life, I thought, and knew, I was a crappy mother, I could not take care of myself or Mary which I also knew, and that made me take more pills to numb that fact too.

I dated guys that were not good for me because hey, if they leave it’s not a “loss” for me. Seeing my mom miss my father traumatized me and I swore I would never feel that pain. So I avoided that by dating awful people. These people reflected how I felt about myself inside. And let me tell you, I have never “missed” an ex in my entire life. It was always a benefit for me when I broke it off with them. (I apologize if any ex is reading this 😁)

I have felt no loss greater than the death of my parents, so breaking up with some loser is a piece of cake. I'm very happy being single, and now you know why.

But I digress.

My point is, one decision can change your life, and the path you choose to walk as well. My path I was walking could have killed me and my daughter. I changed my path. I was not going to let Mary hear that her mother died of an overdose because she didn’t have courage. The courage to break that cycle.

I have 3 years sober in July. Fuck drugs and alcohol. I’m now my kids hero, and I want them to remember that about their mother. I miss you mom and dad.

Stay healthy, and prayers go out to those affected by COVID-19 😘