Hi! Long time no post!

Let’s talk gratitude here.

There is a difference between just going through the motions everyday, and living life with gratitude everyday. For me, it has made a huge difference in how I view my life, how I view myself, and how I parent my kids. Having gratitude is one of the major changes that happened to me over 2 and a half years ago. I’ve said in other posts how things that may be “normal” or “mundane” to another person , is exciting and thrilling for me, because I was so close to losing the things I do every day now, permanently. I did lose these rights and privileges for a few years, and didn’t know if I would get them back again. It’s like when someone gets into a car accident and survives , some people stop doing all the reckless things they have been doing: they eat healthier , quit doing drugs or drinking, start spending time with family more. They have a “new lease on life” as the saying goes. Well I feel that way but on steroids. I have an unfortunate advantage that most people do not have , and hopefully will not have in their lifetime: experiencing the temporary loss of a child, because of your own actions. As gut-wrenching as that was, for years, battling an addiction while losing everything that meant anything to me, I’m grateful for those experiences.

I came out the other side of that nightmare. I came out and realized not only did I survive some things that were very horrific , but so did Mary. I had one last shot to do things right with her, with out her being permanently screwed up by me.

I got the opportunity to be the mommy she deserves , I got the chance to change everything about myself and my life, so who the hell am I to screw that up, again ?

I do a lot with my kids, I’m always taking them places and giving them new experiences, because these are all new to me too. This whole life is new to me. For years I was asleep while my daughter was being raised by other people (thank god). I appreciate life now, because I have respect for my past. If it wasn’t for my past, I guarantee you I wouldn’t be the mother, or woman I am now.

Some people need a wake up call, some don’t, but I’m grateful for mine, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.

Thank you Mary and Maxx, you have no idea what you have done for your mother, who loves you so much.

Here’s to almost 3 years sober ! (July, but who’s counting ? Oh, I am.) Thank you for taking the time to read this.