Tonight I am feeling grateful. So this post is about gratitude.

Many great things are going to happen this year! I get my breathalyzer in my car taken out February 17th. I also get to go on a tour of Maxx’s preschool that he will attend when he turns 3 this October ! Mary turns 10 in June, I can’t believe she will be in the double digits now ! We also get to celebrate March 30th, which is 3 years that she has been home with me.

It was April 7th 2018 that I got to hear the judge finally say : “I find that it is in the best interest of the minor child, to be with her mother.” Holy shit I’ll never forget those words for the rest of my life. Because he was exactly right. But it was a long road. I was used to being called “monster mother” on channel 12 news. I was also used to a judge telling me in open court that I was a “disgrace” and need to be “taken off the streets indefinitely.” And I was hauled off to jail that very day, on April 3rd 2017.

I was facing 18 months in prison. I got to write Judge Doyle a letter, actually thanking him for that. I got to tell him how well we are doing. The combination of jail time, rehab, outpatient rehab, probation, my awesome DCF workers, and intensive counseling that needed to intervene to help me help myself. And I will be eternally grateful for all of those resources, all of the punishments I received, all of the people that advocated for me when I could not.

Now I am the one in control of my own life, and what happens to me and my children.

In July I get to celebrate 4 YEARS of sobriety.

I am here to show you that you can change your story. I can not be silent on this subject, because I know a ton about it. I would be doing a disservice to myself and my kids if I didn’t share my experiences and be completely honest, vulnerable, and raw. It helps me, and it may help someone out there reading this.

One day, my kids will know how strong their mother was and is , and how much I fought for both of them. I got myself out of some awful situations, and hopefully they will both learn from my mistakes. I did not make them in vein. We do recover. It can be done.